Isn’t anxiety weird?
It’s like your brain suddenly decides, “whoa, look at the time! I was supposed to be freaking out over nothing like ten minutes ago! Better get crackin!”
Next thing you know you’ve got that sorta heavy feeling on your shoulders, that slight tightness in your chest, and then as soon as you notice those things it’s like somebody turned the treadmill up to 10 on the hamster wheel in your brain. (poor little guy)
I won’t talk about how it feels anymore, because sometimes even just thinking about being anxious can make me anxious. (can I get an amen?)
But it is weird how it often starts. There can be nothing, absolutely nothing… and then BOOM! Freak out! (c’est chic) I turn into a nervous wreck, scared of things and absolutely terrified of people.
That’s probably where I struggle with it most—in relation to people, to my friends.
Social anxiety.
Hold up there, Mattycakes. (yes, I call myself that sometimes. Shut up.) Aren’t friends supposed to bring you love, and joy, and happiness?
Absolutely! And they do!
Mostly.
But there are times when human-ing is hard… let alone person-ing!
It’s not that I have bad friends that make me nervous. It’s the exact opposite!
I have incredible friends! The best anyone could ask for! And I have a ton!
And that’s a big part of why I freak out.
Why would so many amazing people want me in their lives? I mean, they know me.
(Frankly, it’s not hard to get to know me. If you have met me more than twice, you pretty much know what I’m about.)
Hence my constant social anxiety. Everybody in my life pretty much knows me.
They may not know every dark struggle I’ve ever faced, but they know the heart of the man in front of them. They know my oddities and strangenesses. They know how awkward I am.
Heck, they know better than I do, because they’re the ones telling me I’m being awkward!
But, why does it make me so nervous to have such loving, caring friends?
Maybe it’s because I didn’t have many friends growing up. Maybe it’s because I’m a people-pleaser. Maybe it’s because I don’t trust God enough.
Maybe it’s all of those things.
It’s true, I didn’t have a ton of friends when I was young. There were always a few scattered here and there (you know who you are; and thank you for your love and friendship to a weird little kid). But during my really socially informative years—middle school and high school—I really didn’t have anyone with whom I could learn what “having friends” was like. (does that make sense?)
And I’m definitely a people-pleaser. I like to make people happy. But I also let my fear of people’s opinion of me control me. I’ve always felt like I had to earn the friendship I receive. The flip side is equally true: I always feel like if I mess up in any way then I will lose that friendship I feel I fought so hard to win.
These are both big issues, which I can make eleventy-five times bigger in my head.
But probably the biggest issue is that I don’t trust God rightly.
If I were trusting in God before people, then I wouldn’t be afraid that people were going to abandon me or not love me.
If I were trusting in God before myself, then I wouldn’t be afraid that I could screw everything up and bring my glass castle of carefully constructed relationships shattering down around me.
If I were trusting in God, the true God, the God of the Bible, I would stop being concerned about my anxiety and my own life, and start being concerned about the lives of others.
I would serve. I would love. I would sacrifice. I would be so less concerned with me, if only I were trusting rightly in God.
But how do I do that? Do I just pretend my anxiety doesn’t exist and start magically trusting in Him?
How is that even possible, to just trust?
Why do you trust a seatbelt? Why do you trust a bridge? Why do you trust the rope on a swing?
Because it proves itself. It makes a promise, and it delivers.
So does God.
But how many times has God not given me what I want? He doesn’t deliver!
Sure He does. You don’t ask the bridge to perform spinal surgery, and you don’t count on the rope swing to do your taxes. Number one, THEY CAN’T. Number two, you don’t expect them to in the first place, because they never promised those things.
Maybe that’s an absurd example. But it’s true!
Likewise, God never promised to make your life perfect. He never promised He would make you immune to anxiety and strain.
God commands us to trust in Him, because He is powerful and strong enough to help us through suffering and anxiety; not over it, not around it, not under it, but through it.
King David says, “you make me lie down in green pastures, you lead me beside quite waters…even in the valley of the shadow of death…you are with me.”
Why was David lying in the pasture? God put him there. Why was he walking beside still waters? God put him there. What in the world was he doing in the valley of the shadow of death? (*DUN Dun duunnn*)
God put him there.
Same is true of these moments that bring me anxiety.
God has put me in them. But, more than that…
God is with me in them. And even more still…
God is for me in them.
These are the truths that I need to call to mind when I am anxious. No matter what is causing the anxiety.
God put me here, He is with me, and He is for me.
And I am for Him.
Are you..?
Beyond the Garden 