I. Hate. Uncertainty.
I believe it’s because I’m a dreamer.
As I sit here writing this I am waiting on a call.
This call has the possibility to change my life.
That terrifies me.
I don’t know how it could change.
I just know that I want it to change.
See, one of the problems with hating uncertainty is that you never take risks.
Yeah, it may seem to others that what you’re doing is risky, but you’ve thought it through
well enough to be okay if it doesn’t work out.
In fact, maybe this is just me, but I think people who hate uncertainty are more
comfortable with failures.
That doesn’t mean we like or enjoy them, or even that we learn from them.
I think we can be masters of self-sabotage.
I don’t know what could happen in my life if I succeed at this, so maybe I shouldn’t try
my hardest.
If I succeed, things could change, but I’m pretty used to my discomfort–do I really want
that to change?
Change is scary. Scratch that. Change is terrifying.
Whether we’re talking about your status in life, your geographic location, your job,
friends, family, trying a new kind of food–change is scary!
Why?
Because, I’ve adjusted to my discomfort.
It’s like a frog in a pot.
The water may not be a healthy temperature, but at least I’m used to it.
Anything else would be… *Scooby-Doo style teeth chattering*… DIFFERENT!
And I don’t know what “different” would be, or look like, or feel like.
So I stick with “same.”
“Same” may be uncomfortable, but at least it’s certain.
But this call I’m waiting on… it could make my life amazing.
It could make it better, answer prayers, give me a whole new life! (Ruh roh!)
And that’s terrifying.
But, the call could also go badly, and my life could stay just the way it is now — the same.
And that’s terrifying too.
Because then I would be in a world that’s the exact same as it was, except for one thing.
I would no longer have the hope of it being better from this call.
See, I tend to be a dream-junkie, but I need to be a hope-junkie.
What’s the difference?
A dream-junkie sits in certainty of his state, wishing and dreaming that he could be
somewhere else, but knowing that he will never actually be there (that way he gets to
still be certain, right?)
For a dream-junkie, things may never work out.
And if they don’t, well, he never really believed in them anyway.
The dream-junkie’s motto is, “Easy come, easy go.”
A hope-junkie, on the other hand, fully invests his heart in what he wishes for.
He believes that God will bring it to pass, or at least bring it to a healthy, happy,
providential fulfillment.
Even if that fulfillment is a solid “no”.
The hope-junkie’s motto is, “Thy will be done.”
You see, the primary difference is where the trust is.
The dream-junkie places his hope in circumstances and turn-outs; he will be fulfilled if
his dream is fulfilled, because he has set his heart on his dream.
The hope-junkie places his hope not in circumstances, but in God; he will be fulfilled
when God fulfills him, when the Perfect comes.
The hope-junkie does not writhe in agony over not being fulfilled by the things of this
world, because his ultimate hope is not set on this world, but on the world to come.
So I need to spend more time hoping and less time dreaming.
I have a feeling that if I were hoping more than dreaming, then uncertainty wouldn’t be
such a huge fear of mine.
So, as it pertains to this call that should be coming in any minute, and has the potential to make dreams come true or to squash them into chili, I’m going to stop dreaming.
I’m going to hope instead.
“Well, maybe that’s easy for you, but I’m not wired that way.”
It’s not easy for me. I’m not wired that way either.
Dreaming is easy. Hoping is hard.
But I choose to hope.
I. Hate. Uncertainty.
But I ain’t gonna let it stop me…
Beyond the Garden 